Many people carry mistaken beliefs about relationships that they learned early in life. These ideas may feel protective at first, but over time, they create conflicts at work, with friends, family, and especially in romantic relationships. The problem is, these beliefs are everywhere—and that’s why it’s so important to challenge them.
Here are eight common myths about relationships and simple action steps based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help you change these unhelpful beliefs and build healthier connections.
Myth 1: I shouldn’t have to ask for what I need
Many believe that others should just know what they want or need without having to ask. You might expect your partner to know when to take out the trash or your kids to understand the house rules without being told.
But people are not mind readers. What feels obvious to you might not be obvious to someone else. If something bothers you or you want something, you need to clearly say it.
Action Step: Identify one need you haven’t asked for. Tell someone exactly what you want—be very specific. For example, if you want more affection, explain what that looks like, when, and how often.
Myth 2: I need to fix everything myself
Some people think they must do everything on their own to get it right. This belief often leads to frustration and pushes others away. Relationships are about give and take, and allowing others to help creates connection.
Have you ever struggled to buy a gift for someone who has everything? It’s hard to give to someone who never lets you help them back. Let others contribute—it benefits everyone.
Action Step: Make a list of tasks you can tolerate being done imperfectly. Start asking others to help with those. Gradually trust them with bigger tasks, but don’t overload yourself. This builds flexibility and healthier connections.
Myth 3: I don’t deserve to get what I want or need
Many people feel unworthy of their own needs. This can make asking for what they want very hard, creating tension in relationships because others see them being treated poorly.
Changing this belief starts by recognizing the facts: everyone deserves to have their basic needs met simply because they are human.
Action Step: Write down reasons why this myth is false. Then start asking for small things—like asking someone to pass you a glass of water—and build up your confidence from there.
Myth 4: If I ask for something, I’m weak
This belief is often hidden but powerful. If you think asking for help means weakness, you might avoid asking altogether and feel bad about it.
But asking for help actually takes courage and strength. If it were easy, you’d already be doing it.
Action Step: Test this by asking for something small and watch how people respond. Most likely, they won’t see you as weak or respect you less.
Myth 5: Other people should always support my choices
We all want support from friends and partners, but people won’t always agree with our choices. That’s normal. Respecting others’ choices—even if you disagree—is part of healthy relationships.
Action Step: Practice dialectical thinking: accept that two opposing ideas can be true at the same time. For example, you can disagree with someone and still respect their choices. Remind yourself that boundaries may cause discomfort, but holding them is necessary.
Myth 6: What I need is the same as what others need
Thanks to the idea of “love languages,” many understand that people express and receive love differently. Yet, it’s easy to forget others have unique needs, not the same as ours.
For example, you may not value gifts but your partner might. The key is to appreciate their effort and communicate your own needs clearly.
Action Step: When someone shows love in a way that’s not your preferred love language, accept their effort. Next time, try sharing what you need in your love language.
Myth 7: If I set boundaries or ask for what I need, people should give me what I want
Sometimes even when you ask clearly and set healthy boundaries, others won’t meet your needs. This is frustrating but normal.
Action Step: Practice acceptance. Understand that people have their own limits and resources. Keep asking for what you need because assertiveness is about respecting yourself, not controlling others.
Myth 8: The right relationship will be easy
Good relationships take work. Being with the right partner doesn’t mean never having fights or challenges. It means both people are committed to working through problems together.
Hard work doesn’t mean a relationship is wrong. It means it’s real.
Action Step: Reflect on past relationships. Which hard-working ones felt right and which didn’t? Learn to tell the difference so hard work doesn’t scare you away from what you truly want.
The Big Picture
These myths influence how we communicate, how we accept love, and whether we’re willing to put effort into our relationships. We all grow up with certain beliefs, but it’s up to you to decide which serve you well—and which hold you back.
Changing these beliefs is not easy. It requires patience and effort. But taking just one small step today can lead you closer to the relationships you want and deserve.
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