In an age where individuality is prized and “cutting people off for peace” has become a popular mantra, many adults find themselves yearning for meaningful friendships. Scroll through social media, and you’ll find countless posts lamenting how difficult it is to make friends as an adult.
But here’s the truth: building friendships as an adult isn’t impossible — it just requires effort, growth, and a willingness to adapt.
While adulting brings competing responsibilities and a more selective nature about who we spend time with, forging new connections begins with self-awareness and intentionality.
Psychologist Linda Baggett, speaking to the LA Times, notes that in our younger years, social interactions often happened naturally in structured environments like college or early jobs. These settings provided a ready-made cohort of peers. As we age, these opportunities shrink, leaving us responsible for creating connections deliberately.
Studies highlight the issue’s scale: a 2024 survey found 42% of adults feel less close to their friends than they’d like, while a 2025 American Psychiatric Association survey revealed 1 in 3 adults feels lonely at least once a week.
So, how do you build strong, lasting friendships as an adult? Here are five essential social skills to master, according to experts:
1. Check Your Assumptions
What you believe about yourself and others heavily shapes your interactions. For example, if you assume people find you boring or awkward, you might interpret a neutral reaction—like someone not laughing at your joke—as confirmation of those fears.
Instead, approach conversations with an open mind. Those with a history of social anxiety especially need to challenge these assumptions, which can distract and block genuine emotional connection.
By checking your internal narrative, you stay present and truly observe what others communicate, creating space for authentic bonds to form.
2. Switch Up How You Socialize
Not everyone shares your style. Maybe you love sarcasm or playful banter, while someone else prefers earnest conversations. This doesn’t mean you’re incompatible—it’s a chance to expand your social toolkit.
Adapting how you interact doesn’t mean changing who you are. Think of it as learning a new skill. The more flexible you become, the more likely you are to connect with people of diverse personalities and communication styles.
3. Practice Real Listening
Genuine listening is rare but crucial for meaningful friendships. Often, we focus on what we’ll say next instead of fully engaging with the other person’s words.
If you feel anxious in social settings, you may miss important cues because you’re worried about how you come across. Instead, approach conversations with sincere curiosity. Ask thoughtful follow-up questions based on what’s shared.
This demonstrates you’re engaged and invested, making the other person feel seen and heard.
4. Don’t Underestimate Small Talk
Let’s be honest: most of us dislike small talk. It can feel superficial or pointless. But small talk plays a vital role — it’s how relationships start.
Psychologist Albert Bonfil reminds us, “Relationships don’t start off deep and profound. They start off very superficial.”
Small talk lets you gauge someone’s personality, interests, and energy without diving into heavy topics too soon. Think of it as a stepping stone. Chat about the weather, sports, or the latest TV shows, and over time, you’ll naturally move toward deeper, more meaningful conversations.
5. Share in Moderation
Vulnerability is essential to building trust, but balance is key. Oversharing too soon can overwhelm a new friend; withholding too much can make you seem closed off.
For friendships to deepen, both parties need to show vulnerability—but not all at once. Share bits of yourself gradually, and observe how your friend responds. If you notice you’re dominating conversations, take a step back and invite them to share their stories and opinions.
Making friends as an adult is challenging because it demands more intention and effort than in youth. With work, family, and other responsibilities, it’s easy to prioritize convenience over connection. But deep friendships are crucial for mental and emotional well-being.
A 2021 Harvard study found that strong social connections reduce stress, improve mental health, and even increase life expectancy. So while it takes time and energy, cultivating meaningful friendships is undeniably worth it.
Too often, adults expect friendships to “just happen.” But relationships require growth—not just from others, but from ourselves.
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