He once had a very good male friend, and the two were very close, often chatting together, and sometimes hugging each other. But then the boy got a girlfriend and became visibly estranged from him. He felt a loss of growth psychology. He had tried to persuade the boy not to associate with the girl, but it didn’t work. He worries about whether he is gay or not. He said that he also wanted to have a girlfriend, but he never dared to take a substantial step. Sometimes he had sexual dreams and sometimes had sexual impulses. There are both boys and girls who are close to him in the dream. Through further conversation with Xiaoxiang, I understand why he is always willing to make friends with boys. Everything in his family was decided by his mother. His mother disciplined him very strictly and very fiercely. He often cried and quarrelled with his father over family matters. He was very disgusted and hated his mother. Since he was sensible, he has intentionally alienated his mother. Later, in the third year of junior high school, he had a relatively close relationship with a girl, but later, the girl suddenly cut off contact with him, and turned to a better relationship with another boy. He was disappointed and sad, and then felt that no woman was a good thing, which made him more willing to associate with boys. Obviously, Xiaoxiang’s homosexuality is for a reason, and he is not gay at all.
In real life, it is true that the same-sex attachment and sexual behavior are called homosexuality. In fact, this is an artificial expansion of the concept of homosexuality. Sexual psychology research and cases of psychological counseling have repeatedly confirmed that adolescence is a period of relatively chaotic psychological tendencies. At this stage, many boys and girls will have gender self-identity disorder for one reason or another, showing sexual psychology or sexual behavior that deviates from their own gender. For example, when boys and girls enter puberty, the sprouting of sexual physiology and psychology is a natural force. However, due to complicated reasons, they cannot satisfy their sexual and psychological needs through normal sexual contact and communication, and their physical energy cannot be vented through sexual behavior of both genders. Therefore, some intimate contacts between the same sex have played a substitute role in relieving sexual physical and psychological tension. As a result of repeated reinforcement, a neural connection is established between sexual behavior and sexual objects, so the sexual orientation becomes confused and points to the same sex. Not only in boys, but also in some girls. When they are more able to interact naturally with the opposite sex or have normal sexual contact, their sexual orientation will gradually become normal.
From chaos to order is the only way for many young men and women to develop psychologically. After such a stage, most of them have completed their gender self-identity, bid farewell to the chaotic period of sexual orientation, and formed a normal sexual orientation. Therefore, in my psychological counseling, many boys and girls who are stressed about their so-called “homosexuality”, on the basis of comprehending the above principles and through active self-adjustment, have gone through the sexual orientation well. chaotic period.
