The age-old question of how long it takes to fall in love has no definitive answer, according to experts. While the journey varies for each individual, professionals argue that a crucial distinction exists between the initial act of falling in love and the enduring state of being in love.
Dr. Cheryl Fraser, a psychologist and the mind behind the online program “Become Passion,” emphasizes the transient nature of falling in love. Fraser asserts that this experience is an altered state involving emotional and biochemical factors, blending into a captivating mix of sexual attraction and psychological attachment. Despite the intensity, she cautions that this phase is temporary.
Acknowledging the authenticity of the initial connection with a special someone, Fraser urges individuals to recognize that similar feelings might have been experienced for others who eventually fell out of favor. She likens the brain’s chemistry during this phase to that of individuals with drug addiction or obsessive-compulsive disorder, highlighting the intoxicating nature of the emotions involved.
Fraser’s advice encourages savoring the emotional high while refraining from making life-altering decisions until returning to a more grounded state. To address the timeline question, she prompts consideration of how long it takes to truly know someone and be known, introducing the concept of “false intimacy” evolving into genuine connection.
Referencing research by Arthur Aron on interpersonal closeness, Fraser highlights the impact of sustained, escalating, reciprocal, and personalistic self-disclosure. This research suggests that sharing genuine thoughts, hopes, and dreams fosters closeness and emotional vulnerability, even in a lab setting.
Regarding the elusive concept of love at first sight, Dr. Cortney S. Warren, a board-certified clinical psychologist, draws attention to a 2011 Match.com survey indicating that over half of its singles reported experiencing love at first sight. She also cites research from Dr. Stephanie Ortigue’s lab at Syracuse University, suggesting that brain stimulation can trigger feelings of love in as little as 0.2 seconds of visual contact.
Despite the rapid onset of feelings, Warren emphasizes the brain’s role in love and attraction. Chemicals and hormones from various brain regions, such as adrenaline, oxytocin, and dopamine, contribute to the excitement, euphoria, and bonding associated with being “in love.”
The question remains whether love at first sight is reciprocated by the other person. Warren poses the possibility that the honeymoon phase in early relationships, characterized by limited knowledge and a sugar-coated perception of the other person, may cloud the true nature of one’s feelings.
In conclusion, while lust and attraction at first sight are acknowledged, Fraser contends that expecting genuine love at first sight is a complex physical and psychological illusion. Despite the fleeting nature of initial intense feelings, she sees them as a catalyst for delving into the profound aspects of long-term love, encompassing meaningful conversations, shared dreams, and a blend of infatuation that can pave the way for a lasting and exceptional relationship. Fraser suggests giving a relationship at least a year before considering engagement, allowing time for a deeper understanding beyond the initial allure.
