Navigating the modern workplace isn’t just about deadlines and meetings; it’s also about the intricacies of email communication. The idiosyncrasies embedded in out-of-office responses, email sign-offs, and even subject lines can reveal a lot about our colleagues and, perhaps, even ourselves. Let’s delve into the various email personalities that color the professional landscape in 2024.
The Simp
This individual is all about fostering connections and avoiding any hint of friction. Signs include the use of phrases like “Nice to e-meet you smiley face!” for new contacts and an emphasis on well-wishing in email content. Their sign-off options range from ‘kind regards’ to ‘kindly,’ always ensuring a tone of kindness.
The Workaholic
Communicating with a workaholic can feel like a relentless barrage of information. They prefer acronyms for sign-offs, disregard subject lines, and may email at unconventional hours, such as midnight or 5 am. Additionally, they might selectively reply on Slack, creating a distinctive communication style.
The Krill
Always striving to move things up the hierarchy, the krill inundates email chains with recipients and diligently CCs superiors. They may sport a gormless expression at their desk and exhibit pride in their job title, even if it’s diminishing.
The Shark
Managers embody the shark archetype, displaying minimalism in email sign-offs, replying all for personal assistant requests, ignoring non-essential emails, and showing indifference to punctuation.
The Overthinker
Anxious and prone to overcommunication, the overthinker provides unnecessary details, such as announcing bathroom breaks in a Slack group chat. Out-of-office messages divulge personal information, and their sign-off tends to be generic, like “Best wishes.”
The Dinosaur
Refusing email and opting for phone calls (preferably landline), the dinosaur struggles with modern technology, including hyperlinks. They may carry a briefcase and exhibit a general lack of awareness regarding contemporary applications and terms.
The Anarchist
Rebellious and rule-defying, the anarchist forwards emails without context, employs unintelligible acronyms, proves elusive during the day, and doesn’t bother with out-of-office notifications.
The Determined Enthusiast
Maintaining a facade of unbridled enthusiasm, this individual hides internal dissatisfaction with copious exclamation marks. Colleagues might perceive their exuberance as overzealousness.
The Technophobe
Often associated with older individuals, the technophobe exhibits a lack of digital prowess, with frequent follow-up emails correcting missing attachments.
The Procrastinator
Known for delayed responses and apologies, the procrastinator suggests circling back and may leave issues unaddressed while apologizing profusely.
The Pass-Agg
Creating an air of anxiety, the pass-agg uses double question marks and CCs superiors, leaving colleagues on edge without clear reasons.
The Bureaucrat
Engaging with a bureaucrat feels like corresponding with an entire department. They may include (SENSITIVE) warnings in email names, suggest ‘conflabs,’ employ extensive BCCs, reply from their ‘work phone,’ and spend endless days in Microsoft Teams meetings.
As we embark on 2024, it’s a reminder that while you can’t unsend an email, thoughtful communication is a goal worth striving for in the new year.
