Say “Thank you” to Your Boyfriend’s ex-wife

After graduation, Xiao Hui gave up the chance to go to graduate school and found a job, hoping to get a salary as soon as possible and hand it over to her parents, so that they will not have to be so thrifty in the future.

College four years although the book read hard, but Xiao Hui see more is the hard work of parents.

In order to pay for Xiao Hui’s education, her parents scrimped and saved every penny they could.

For four years, Hsiao Hui’s guilt worsened every time she took money from her parents.

Because OF THIS GUILT, HSIAO HUI PUT ALL HER ENERGY INTO HER STUDY, AND SPENT HER TIME IN THE LIBRARY OR STUDY room while OTHER STUDENTS WERE LOVEy-doVEY.

After working for a period of time, Hsiao Hui felt the boss to take care of their own, she also have a good feeling to the boss.

One day, the boss said to Hsiao Hui, hope Hsiao Hui can consider doing her girlfriend.

Hsiao Hui’s boss is a young man, in his thirties, with a house and a car. He is divorced and has a child, but he has also been awarded to his ex-wife.

After agreeing to be his girlfriend, Hsiao Hui moved into the boss’s home.

They’ve been living together for almost half a year.

Half a year, her boyfriend dote on Xiao Hui, Xiao Hui feel very happy.

But tonight, Hsiao Hui has a stomach full of grievances.

Because her boyfriend’s ex-wife had to go on a business trip, but the child had to go to school, so she entrusted the child to her boyfriend and let him take care of the child.

In fact, the boyfriend’s task is just to pick up the children from school in the afternoon, take them for one night, and then send them to school in the morning, because the children’s mother will be back tomorrow.

Xiao Hui was angry that her boyfriend had left her alone at home, so that she could endure loneliness and fear.

Originally, although Hsiao Hui know boyfriend divorced, and have a child, but Hsiao Hui always think, since the child was awarded to the ex-wife, in front of the wife life, the boyfriend only need to pay a little maintenance on the line.

Her boyfriend should be hers alone, and his love should be hers alone.

But reality differs greatly with her imagination however, she first found that although her boyfriend divorced his former wife, but still maintained a good friendship with his ex-wife.

Second, every time my boyfriend visits the kids, he can’t hide his excitement.

What’s more, the boyfriend’s mother still treats the boyfriend’s ex-wife as his daughter-in-law, and the boyfriend’s ex-wife often takes the children to visit the old man.

Hsiao Hui heart very wronged, to find their sisters complain.

I did not expect that none of my sisters understood me, and even said that I was wrong, and said: “Your boyfriend is so good to you, why can’t you accept his children?”

Comment ON: A GIRL THAT NEVER TALKED ABOUT LOVE, ALWAYS HAVE A VARIETY OF ROMANTIC REVERIE TO LOVE, BUT REALITY IS NOT SO PERFECT.

It’s not just love that Hsiao Hui has to face. She also has to face the reality of her boyfriend’s past and the connection to his past.

As Hellinger, the founder of “Family System Arrangement”, said, if a family member has an ex relationship, the ex relationship is also a part of the family system, and this relationship will have an impact on the existing family system.

With Hsiao Hui pure emotional experience, her grievance is understandable, but Hsiao Hui needs to accept her boyfriend’s past.

What helps, says Hellinger, is for the successor to psychologically accept the existence of the relationship and mentally say “Thank you!”

It is clear that a considerable amount of emotional maturity is required to psychologically accept the existence of an ex relationship.

In the relationship between Hsiao Hui and her boyfriend, Hsiao Hui is cared for by her boyfriend all the time, enjoy the happiness that is loved, her boyfriend also tries hard to avoid the reality that those hsiao Hui does not want to face.

In fact, this practice is not helpful to the stability of the relationship between two people.

Hsiao Hui needs to get to know herself and her feelings for her boyfriend.

Ask yourself: “Do I really love him?

Am I willing to be mature enough to face him and his previous marriage and accept his children?

Can I do that?”

If Hsiao Hui chooses love and believes that two people can overcome any difficulty, then HSIAO Hui needs to change.

First of all, don’t accept love passively, but love each other, do something for each other, consider each other’s feelings.

Second, be sensible about your boyfriend’s love for you and his love for your child.

Be honest about the fact that children are a part of your boyfriend’s life and try to engage with them.

In addition, it can be seen that Hsiao Hui is actually very jealous of her boyfriend’s ex-wife, not only because of the friendship he maintains with her, but also because of her boyfriend’s mother’s attitude towards her.

Don’t be discouraged, be yourself and believe that you too can win over your boyfriend’s mother.

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