In the pursuit of understanding what makes relationships last, economics researchers Leora Friedberg and Steven Stern from the University of Virginia studied the responses of 3,597 couples, focusing on two key questions. Their study revealed that these questions could accurately predict which couples would likely divorce. Surprisingly simple yet profound, these questions touch on the perceived happiness of both partners if the relationship were to end. Here’s a look at the questions and their implications for relationship stability.
The Two Questions
1. How do you think your level of happiness would change if you and your partner separated?
This question requires an honest reflection on personal well-being. A high score indicating the belief that one would be happier without their partner is a red flag. The study found that individuals who felt they would be significantly happier without their partner were indeed more likely to separate.
2. How do you think your partner’s level of happiness would change if you and your partner separated?
This second question digs deeper, exploring not only the partner’s potential happiness but also one’s understanding of their partner’s perspective. Interestingly, a disconnect in this area—where one partner incorrectly estimates the other’s happiness without them—was shown to correlate with a higher divorce rate. Couples where both believed their partner would be “worse off” without them had a much lower divorce rate (4.8%), suggesting that mutual dependency or appreciation strengthens bonds.
Key Findings and Implications
The researchers observed a correlation between misunderstandings about a partner’s feelings and relationship stability. The study showed that around 7% of couples divorced over six years, but the divorce rate rose to 12% among those who inaccurately gauged their partner’s likely happiness without them. This “disconnect” hinted at underlying communication issues that could slowly erode a relationship.
For instance, those who believed their partner would struggle post-separation were less likely to divorce. In contrast, couples where one partner assumed their spouse was content while the other was unhappy had the highest divorce rate, with a 13-14% likelihood of ending the relationship. This highlights the importance of empathy and honest assessment in long-term relationships.
Communication as the Key to Relationship Health
Misjudging a partner’s level of happiness suggests a lack of open communication, a common cause of marital issues. While these two questions don’t doom a marriage to failure, they underscore the value of talking openly about feelings and expectations within the relationship. Honest communication can allow couples to identify and address issues, ultimately strengthening their bond.
So, if you’re in a relationship, consider asking yourself—and maybe even discussing—these two questions with your partner. The answers could provide valuable insights and, perhaps, a chance to course-correct before problems escalate.
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