Love is one of the most powerful and mysterious feelings we can experience. It makes our hearts race, our minds wander, and our lives feel more meaningful. But love can also be confusing. How do you know if what you’re feeling is truly love? And if it is, how do you know how much you love someone?
These are not easy questions, but they are important ones—especially when you’re thinking about your future, your emotional well-being, and your relationships. This article will help you understand what love is, what it looks like in real life, and how to know just how deep your feelings go. We’ll explore insights from psychology, biology, and everyday life, all in simple, easy-to-understand language.
The Psychology of Love
Psychologists have studied love for decades, trying to understand what makes it happen and what keeps it alive. One of the most helpful theories comes from psychologist Robert Sternberg. He created what’s known as the Triangular Theory of Love, which breaks love down into three key parts: intimacy, passion, and commitment.
Intimacy
Intimacy is the feeling of closeness you share with someone. It’s the trust, the emotional connection, and the comfort you feel when you’re with them. Intimacy often grows over time as people open up to each other and build a deeper bond. You know you’re experiencing intimacy when you feel safe being yourself around your partner and when you care deeply about their thoughts and feelings.
Passion
Passion is the excitement and physical attraction you feel. It’s that spark, the butterflies, the longing to be close to the person. Passion often shows up strongly at the beginning of a relationship, but it can also ebb and flow over time. It includes sexual attraction, but it also includes the energy and excitement you feel just thinking about or being around the person.
Commitment
Commitment is the decision to stay with someone and build a future together. It’s not just about feelings; it’s about choice. When you’re committed, you’re choosing to be there through the good and the bad. You’re choosing to work through problems, support each other, and stay together even when things aren’t perfect.
True love usually involves all three of these components. When you’re trying to figure out how much you love someone, it’s helpful to ask yourself how strong each of these parts feels to you.
Different Types of Love
Not all love looks the same. Some love is light and fun, some is deep and lasting, and some is intense but short-lived. Elaine Hatfield, another well-known psychologist, talked about two types of love that many people experience: passionate love and companionate love.
Passionate Love
Passionate love is intense. It’s the kind of love where you can’t stop thinking about the person, you feel emotionally high when you’re with them, and you crave their attention. This kind of love is full of excitement and desire, but it’s also more likely to fade over time if it isn’t backed up by something deeper.
Companionate Love
Companionate love is the warm, steady love that grows over time. It’s built on trust, friendship, and a shared life. This kind of love might not have the same fiery spark as passionate love, but it’s stronger and more stable in the long run. It’s the kind of love that often lasts through marriage, raising children, and growing old together.
When trying to understand how much you love someone, think about whether your feelings are based more on passion or companionship—or ideally, both.
The Biology of Love
Love doesn’t just live in our hearts or minds. It also shows up in our bodies. When you’re in love, your brain releases chemicals that make you feel happy, attached, and connected. These chemicals include dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin.
Dopamine
Dopamine is the “feel-good” chemical. It lights up the reward system in your brain. When you’re in love, dopamine gives you feelings of pleasure and motivation. It’s what makes you feel excited when you see or think about the person you love.
Oxytocin
Oxytocin is often called the “cuddle hormone.” It’s released when you hug, touch, or bond with someone. It helps build trust and closeness. High levels of oxytocin can make you feel deeply connected to your partner.
Vasopressin
Vasopressin is linked to long-term bonding. It’s one of the chemicals that helps people form lasting partnerships. When you feel a sense of loyalty and protection toward someone, vasopressin might be part of the reason why.
Your body’s response to someone can tell you a lot about your feelings. Do you feel calmer and safer when you’re near them? Do you feel a rush of joy when they text you or hold your hand? Those physical reactions can be signs that your love is real and deep.
Signs You Really Love Someone Deeply
So how do you know how much you love someone? There’s no perfect test, but here are some signs that your feelings run deep:
You think about them often
If someone is on your mind when you’re not with them—if you wonder how they’re doing, or if something happens and you want to tell them first—that’s a good sign of love. Constant thoughts aren’t everything, but they can reveal who matters most to you.
Their happiness matters to you
If you truly love someone, their happiness is important to you, not because you want anything in return, but because you care. You want to see them succeed. You support their dreams. You celebrate their wins, and you comfort them in hard times.
You feel safe and open with them
Love involves trust. If you can be vulnerable, honest, and your full self around someone, that’s a powerful sign. Feeling safe with someone means you’re emotionally close—and that’s a big part of lasting love.
You’re willing to sacrifice
Love often means putting someone else’s needs ahead of your own. That doesn’t mean giving up everything for them, but it does mean you’re willing to compromise, share, and sometimes choose what’s best for them, even if it’s hard for you.
You want a future with them
Do you picture them in your future plans? When you think about next year, five years from now, or even further, are they part of the picture? If you want to grow with someone, it usually means you love them deeply.
You forgive them—and yourself
Real love includes forgiveness. Everyone makes mistakes. If you can move past small fights, misunderstandings, or flaws, and still choose to love that person, that’s a strong sign your feelings are real. And if you feel accepted and forgiven by them, that means love is flowing both ways.
Questions to Ask Yourself
Sometimes, love feels confusing. It helps to pause and reflect. Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to better understand how much you love someone:
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Do I miss this person when we’re apart, or just when I need something?
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Do I feel more like myself when I’m with them, or do I feel like I have to change?
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Am I willing to work through challenges with them, or do I want to walk away when things get hard?
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Do I respect who they are, not just how they treat me, but who they are as a person?
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Can I imagine my life without them? Would I feel relief or loss?
These aren’t questions you need to answer quickly. Sit with them. Be honest with yourself. The more open you are, the more clearly you’ll see the truth of your emotions.
Love vs. Infatuation
It’s also important to know the difference between love and infatuation. Infatuation feels intense and exciting, but it’s often based on idealized images rather than a real connection.
Infatuation tends to fade quickly, especially once you see the full reality of a person. Love, on the other hand, grows stronger the more you get to know someone, including their flaws.
If your feelings change dramatically when something small goes wrong, it may be more infatuation than love. If your feelings remain steady even when things aren’t perfect, you may be feeling something much deeper.
Love Changes Over Time
One reason it’s hard to measure how much we love someone is that love isn’t static—it changes. In the early stages, love can feel like a rush. Later on, it may feel quieter, but also deeper and more meaningful.
You might not feel fireworks every day, and that’s okay. Long-term love is less about constant excitement and more about connection, support, and growing together.
So when you’re asking how much you love someone, remember: it’s not just about how you feel today. It’s about the consistency of your feelings, your actions, and your desire to keep choosing that person, day after day.
Conclusion
Love is not a single feeling. It’s a combination of connection, attraction, and commitment. To know how much you love someone, look at how you feel emotionally, how you act toward them, and how your body and mind respond to their presence. Ask yourself if your love includes all three parts of Sternberg’s triangle—intimacy, passion, and commitment.
Real love is more than butterflies or sweet words. It’s about how you care, how you support, how you grow, and how you show up—even when it’s hard. The more you’re willing to give, stay, and grow with someone, the deeper your love likely is.
Love doesn’t have to be perfect to be real. It just has to be honest, consistent, and rooted in respect and care.
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