A sense of security is an important cornerstone of a child’s spiritual growth, and a prerequisite for a child to adapt and integrate into the society, and to live and learn with confidence. The establishment of children’s sense of security is closely related to the influence of family and living environment. The baby’s sense of security is given by the parents. And primitive security can definitely affect a child’s life. The following four sentences often appear in the mouths of parents. Maybe the parents seem to be ordinary, but the child has his own understanding. Maybe your inadvertent sentence has already hurt him.
Destructive power NO.1 – “You were picked up by your mother from the trash can.”
[Case] Huanhuan asked her mother, “Mom, where did I come from?” Huanhuan’s mother was busy, so she didn’t have time to explain slowly to Xiao Huanhuan, so she said, “You are my mother picking it up from the trash can. Come.” Huanhuan’s mother told her the same when she was a child. After listening, Huanhuan sat sadly in the corner without saying a word.
[Analysis] When children reach a certain age, they will ask questions such as “where did I come from”. For a long time, “you picked it up” has almost become the “unified answer” for parents. In fact, such an answer can easily hurt the children’s hearts and cause estrangement in the parent-child relationship, and some children feel unhappy because of such an answer. Children’s questions reflect that they grow up, have stronger self-awareness, and begin to be curious about the source of life. Parents should satisfy their curiosity with vivid and scientific answers.
Destructive power NO.2 – “If I say no, I can’t do it!”
[Case] Xiaoding was clamoring for candy before going to bed, and after grinding for a long time, he still refused to sleep. Mom had to move out of Dad to convince Ding. Dad said sternly: “Don’t eat candy before going to bed, if I say no, it’s no good!”
【Analysis】This is a typical tyrannical education method, which originates from the traditional concept of “the son follows the father” in the minds of parents. This will not only affect the establishment of parent-child relationship and lead to confrontation and conflict between parents and children, but also destroy children’s impartiality, hinder the development of children’s democratic consciousness and negotiation ability, and even breed children’s violent tendencies. Parents cannot underestimate their children’s ability to understand, and should treat them equally as adults.
Destructive power NO.3 – “Mom doesn’t want you anymore!”
[Case] The baby refused to eat well at the dinner table. The mother taught her a few words, and the baby deliberately spread the food everywhere. Mom patted her twice and shouted loudly: “If you cry again, Mom doesn’t want you anymore!”
【Analysis】Children around the age of 2 have a very limited understanding of other people’s emotions. They often recognize other people’s emotions through other people’s facial expressions and external behaviors, but it is difficult for them to understand some complex inner experiences of adults. leave as if it were a real departure. This trick used by many parents to pretend to abandon their children has great harm to the children’s psychological development and greatly destroys the children’s sense of security. At an early age, children’s strong attachment to their parents gives them psychological security and a sense of security to support them as they explore the outside world. If they pretend to abandon their children, the children will think that the most trustworthy people don’t want them anymore, and there are no people to protect them, which is a great harm to their young hearts. Children whose attachment relationship is destroyed will show behaviors such as withdrawal, sensitivity, low self-esteem, suspiciousness, emotional instability, and difficulty in establishing intimate relationships with others.
Destructive power NO.4 – “I won’t beat you again if I don’t obey you!”
[Case] In the supermarket, Xixi kept asking for this and that, but her father didn’t allow it, and Xixi sat on the ground crying. Dad felt very embarrassed, so he raised his hand to scare Xixi: “I won’t be obedient to beat you again!” Not only did Xixi stop crying, but she cried even more.
【Analysis】Sometimes, the behavior of children really makes parents very angry. Very angry parents often warn: If you don’t obey, I will hit you. This kind of empty words will only reduce the prestige of the parents, and will not have any practical effect. Intimidation is not conducive to the formation of good personal qualities in children, but will lead to timid, cowardly and weak personality qualities. Children make all kinds of provocative behaviors to irritate their parents. If they are really beaten, the children will think in their hearts: Although you hurt me, at least you are also angry. The parents acted out of anger and could not bear it for a while, although they were out of anger, they declared the failure of education.
