It is normal for friends to help each other and care about each other, but when this care and help is too much, it will not only make people annoying but also make themselves live in pain. The editor advises everyone to have a degree of everything, and not to go too far in interpersonal communication. Gwen is a professional woman. Although she has a good relationship with her colleagues in the company, she has troubles every day. Because Gwen is very empathetic, she always takes the pain of others as her own. It is a duty to think that you are good to others, and it is a favor to be good to others. When she is with her friends, she will try her best to help when the friend is unhappy or if she encounters troubles. Gwen also exhorted herself over and over again in her heart: if others have difficulties, others will solve them, and there is no need for him to suffer too. However, when something happened to someone else, Gwen was more anxious than the other person herself, and she would be disgusted by the other person, and she herself felt very tired.
This kind of excessive worrying about others and being influenced by others is called “excessive psychological involvement” in psychology. Excessive psychological involvement refers to the excessive degree of psychological correlation between individuals and environmental information. For example, in interpersonal relationships, some people will care too much about the affairs of their friends. When a friend encounters difficulties, he is more worried than his friend; when a friend makes a mistake, he feels more guilty and self-blame than his friend. People with a high degree of psychological involvement are easily affected by the external environment, and always associate themselves with the surrounding environment, resulting in large emotional fluctuations, improper behavior control, and psychological problems or interpersonal barriers. The cause of excessive psychological involvement is usually because the client is not confident. For example, I care about the opinions of others and worry about being rejected and rejected by others. In addition, due to the imperfect development of the individual’s psychological independence, the individual’s condition and psychological state are easily influenced by the environment and others. Furthermore, it is because of the lack of the necessary social perception and interpersonal skills to properly judge the degree of relevance of events to oneself and the impact that one’s actions may have on the other party.
To solve the problem of excessive psychological involvement, the first is to trust others, believe that others can be responsible for their own affairs, and can solve their own problems. The second is to strengthen self-confidence and independence, and have self-values and life support points. Only by eliminating psychological dependence on others can you control your own life and emotions. Don’t be too nice to people! Good things are almost done, and they can also give you unexpected results. For a person who has the ability to work and is sane, independence and dedication are all internal needs. In interpersonal relationships, if a certain need cannot be met with each other, then the relationship is more difficult to maintain. In Carnegie’s thought of successful interpersonal communication, it is very important to follow the utilitarian principle in psychological communication – this principle is based on the various needs of people (including spiritual and material content), that is, interpersonal communication is a Activities that meet people’s needs. As early as 1974, the psychologist Homans proposed that the interaction between people is essentially a social exchange, and this exchange follows the same principle as the exchange of commodities in the market, that is, people want to What you get is no less than what you give. In fact, what you get cannot be less than what you give. If you get more than what you give, it will also cause people to lose their psychological balance.
Interpersonal communication should be reserved. A common mistake made by people who are new to the social circle is “doing all the good things at once”, thinking that if you do things for the other person wholeheartedly, you will have a harmonious and close relationship. In fact it is not. Because people can not blindly accept the contributions of others, otherwise the psychology will feel unbalanced. “The grace of dripping water is reciprocated by the fountain”, which is also a practice to balance the relationship. When a good thing is done all at once, and people feel that there is no return or opportunity to return, the sense of guilt will make the beneficiary choose to alienate. Leaving room, good things should not be done all at once, which may be an important criterion for balancing relationships. Leave leeway and keep your distance appropriately, because each other needs a little space in their hearts. If you want to help others and want to maintain a long-term relationship with others, then you might as well give others an opportunity and let them reciprocate, so as not to alienate the relationship due to inner pressure. And “over-investment” will suffocate the other party’s heart without giving the other party a chance to breathe. Leave room for each other to breathe freely and freely.
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