Many friends have said that they feel insecure, so what is the real sense of security from a psychological point of view?
Whether you realize it or not, deep down, we live in anxiety and fear all the time. We are afraid of dying, of being alone, of being betrayed by those close to us, of losing touch with the world around us, of anything we do not want to see.
The existence of these anxieties leads us to pursue, explicitly or implicitly, something called security, but it is clear that we do not understand how to be truly safe, so our efforts often come up empty-handed or backfire.
We buy food from supermarkets to prevent starvation, and we go to check up to avoid death or sickness. We work so hard to earn money that we don’t end up sleeping rough on the streets so that we don’t have to pay the rent. We spend huge sums of money on houses and cars in order not to be looked down upon as poor. We learn the language of our region in order not to be seen as an outlier.
You spend a lot of time accumulating wealth, and these things give you a false sense of security. There are more and more things around you that belong to you over time, and you mistakenly believe that this will make you safer and more secure. But in fact you are wrong, all this does not give you a sense of security.
The more you have, the less secure you are, because the more you have, the more you have to worry about. If you have nothing, you don’t have to worry about it.
Certainly not against you owning a car or real estate, but against your attitude toward them, your attitude toward them now, as if they could be around forever, or you could own them forever. You can’t let go of this thought, and you’ll see everyone you try to approach as an aggressor.
In fact, neither of these assumptions can be realized. They can’t be around forever, and you can’t be with them forever.
In this case, you have no reason to hold them tightly, since sooner or later you have to let go. You should really enjoy them, not worry about them. You are currently like a cheetah finding food, spending all of his time preventing others from competing for his food, and he has not stopped worrying even while eating, it is hard to imagine that you are actually enjoying the food. Sometimes you even just focus on fighting other predators, and when you turn around, the food is gone.
We are that cheetah. You don’t buy a car to make it easier to travel, just to not be seen as poor. After buying a car, you have been worried that your car will not be scratched. Until the car is scrapped, you hardly ever really own it or really enjoy it. Such a life is a failure.
Therefore, you must remember two things:
The first is that the things you have cannot exist forever (even now, they exist in very different ways than you think);
Second, you can’t have them forever. Here they are not just referring to a bootleg DVD, but also the best house, or a plate of fruit salad.
Remember these two points and you can really enjoy them. You can enjoy when you enjoy and let go when it’s time to let go. If you are their master, you should have the power to relinquish them, but most of the time you don’t.
This kind of mentality is a bit like playing with other people’s toys when you were a child. You can play with it without worrying about breaking it. If it is one’s own things, it may not be so cherished.
If you can have this attitude, you will have a real sense of security. You don’t have to worry about losing anything anymore, because everything is lost eventually, it’s just a matter of time. On the other hand, you never have anything, you just think you have it.
When you are no longer anxious, you have time to really enjoy life, and you are just drinking tea when you are drinking tea, not thinking about how to make the girl on the opposite side who is also drinking tea pay attention to you. In this way, you are truly living in the moment. In the past, you were only living in the expectations of others. Many times, you were living for others.
True security is when there is no longer anything to be protected. Not just things like your wallet or bank cards, but your self-esteem, your face. When you think you own these things, you inevitably have to do your best to maintain them, just as you have a car, you must learn to clean it. It’s just to prove to you that you don’t have a so-called face at all. If a thing does exist as you think it is, of course you can have it and maintain it, but if it is just your illusion at all, then you have no reason to continue your illusion.
