In the past six months of consultation,80%of the cases I have encountered are related to children who are tired of school.And my employees and friends around me often call me for help.My child doesn’t want to go to school,what should I do if they don’t go to school?School-age children should swim in the ocean of knowledge,enjoy the fun of learning,and change their destiny by mastering more knowledge,but they refuse to go to school for no reason.Some children lose interest in learning and do not take the initiative to learn;some children feel nervous and dizzy when they mention going to school;some children have stomachaches as soon as they arrive at the school gate,and they do not even enter the classroom;some children simply do not go to school.,If you don’t go out for a long time,you hide at home to play games,sleep hard,and pass the time in a hurry.These behaviors of children are simply unbelievable,if not completely unacceptable,to parents.
Countless parents have said this to their children who are tired of school:”How can you do if you don’t go to school?What can you do in the future if you don’t go to school?”Then,in order to let their children go back to school,they look for the principal,the teacher,and the classmates.To find the reasons why the children don’t want to go to school,they mobilized the seven aunts and eight aunts to do ideological work for the children.However,parents found that no matter what they did,their children always said:”I just don’t want to go to school anyway.”Many parents sighed with emotion:I really don’t know what to do!Then,they thought of turning to professional psychologists for help.
Parents are looking forward to the guidance of the psychological counselor,the children will immediately figure out all the problems,and immediately go back to school to study hard again.However,boredom is not a simple problem.It is not something that parents think can be solved by”just doing the work of the children”.School weariness is a systemic problem that involves multiple social,school,family and individual factors.The social environment eager for quick success,the irritable school atmosphere,the anxious and uncertain family interpersonal relationships,the high standards and strict requirements of parents,the lack of confidence in children themselves,and various inappropriate ways of thinking and cognition,etc.It’s a mess,and getting organized requires a concerted effort at all levels.Moreover,just like seeds always have to be bred in the soil for a period of time before they can germinate,when a child begins to show signs of weariness,the various factors we mentioned above often have one or two influences on him.months or even years.Therefore,in the face of children who are tired of school,parents must have enough patience and love.
Have you heard this sentence?You can never wake someone who is pretending to be asleep unless that person decides to wake up.Therefore,as parents,we should not expect to change our children,change teachers or change schools,what we can do is change ourselves.Change your attitude towards your child’s dislike of learning,change the way you communicate with your child,change your perception of learning,and even change the way you get along with your lover.Through our own changes,we guide children to see their parents’acceptance,empathy,respect,and unconditional love,and then influence their willingness to make changes.
So,as a parent of a school-weary child,how can you make a change?
The first method is to solve the problems of husband and wife between husband and wife.
I once saw such a case.A boy in the second year of high school came to counseling because of depression and weariness of school.He said:”Every time my parents have quarreled,they will each borrow wine to drown their sorrows,and then call me separately.My dad is on the phone.I was drunk and mad at me for three or four hours.My mother was crying and complaining and asked me to stand by her side.In order for them to get along peacefully,I coaxed my father to coax my mother.I was so tired that I couldn’t let go Study!”.Therefore,to solve the child’s depression and weariness,in addition to psychological counseling for the child,teach the child how to deal with the relationship between parents and themselves.The most important part is the change of his parents.As a parent,you must be responsible for your own emotions and learn to manage your emotions.The problems of husband and wife are resolved between husband and wife,and the negative emotions brought about by conflict between husband and wife and marriage conflict are not spread to children.No matter whether it is reconciliation,reunion,or good reunion,or going to court,don’t pull the child to your own camp,and don’t throw the child on the other side as a burden.
The second method is to abandon the”learning first”view and allow your children to be ordinary people.
Many parents of school-weary children only care about their children’s learning.As long as you study well,you can get what you want and do what you want;once you fail the exam,you will breathe wrong and you will not be worthy of eating.Children who grow up in this environment are always nervous,for fear that their grades will decline,and their parents will not love them.In their hearts,the love of their parents is always based on their good grades.No good grades,no matter how good you are in other areas.If things go on like this,children will feel that learning is boring,and they will no longer want to study hard.Some parents,after their children don’t want to go to school at all,compromise and say,I don’t ask you to do well in the test,you just need to finish junior high school and high school.But the child no longer believes in the”promise”of the parents,and no longer wants to take care of the”face”of the parents.Therefore,parents should not be in a hurry to let their children go back to school when their children are tired of school,which will aggravate their rebellious psychology.It is better to reflect on your own views on learning,and give your child the right to choose whether to continue learning.At the same time,look for your child’s advantages in other areas,see and encourage them,help them build confidence,believe that they can do what they want,and guide them.Rediscover the importance of learning before going back to school or learning other skills.This process may be long,and parents should be mentally prepared to neither force nor give up.One day,the iron pestle can be ground into a needle.
With regard to weariness,every child has its own situation,and every family has its own problems,which cannot be generalized.However,no matter what the situation is,parents must not give up their efforts and must always have confidence in themselves and their children.Believe that you can become a parent who is willing to change,believe that your child can become a child who is willing to change,and believe that even if your child has only a few bright spots,he can achieve”a single spark can start a prairie fire”.And you just choose to give your love unconditionally to have a healthy,knowledgeable,independent child,not how much effort you put in or how much interest you sacrifice for the child.Remember,it’s just your choice!When you no longer have a sense of dedication and sacrifice,but a sense of mission and responsibility,it is entirely possible for your child to change from learning to love under the influence of the”butterfly effect”.
Take care of yourself and take care of your children.Parents,please always say to their children:dear child,parents love you,no matter what happens,parents are your strong backing!
