9 misconceptions about intimacy

Most people in intimate relationships don’t know how to manage intimacy or how to take responsibility for their own lives. Here are nine thinking traps in partnership, don’t jump into them

1. You have to find the right person to actually marry, and you need to face yourself in the end. The other person is just a reflection of your ability to love yourself. Existing marriages are best when you are truly progressing. Proposal: Marriage is not shopping, but only buying the right things and not expensive things. Finding the right person is a wish and an ideal in itself. Since it is a wish and an ideal, it is likely to be unrealized. Therefore, do not seek love and marriage with such unreasonable beliefs. Love is an unknown and uncertain way of emotional connection. Why fall in love if you know the result? Must be boring. Therefore, love must speak with your heart. Marriage is run with your heart.
2. The next partner is completely different Divorce and swapping partners is not the solution to the problem, it just delays the problem. Swapping may bring temporary freshness and relief, but what gets rid of the problem is not the problem itself, but the cause of the problem. Suggestion: This is like Plato asking Socrates: What is happiness? Socrates asked Plato to go to the cornfield to pick the ears of wheat that he felt good, but Plato found that the ears of wheat were good after he entered the cornfield, so he wanted the next one to be bigger and better. down. In fact, the next one is not necessarily completely different, not necessarily better. It’s just your wish, and the relationship problem is not only the other person’s problem, but also the personal problem. So please don’t get divorced or switch partners lightly. When you are in a bad mood, find a problem to solve the problem. Replacing isn’t the only way.
3. I have to save this marriage. Let go of every relationship-saving practice and take care of yourself first. When your life changes, marriage naturally changes. Marital status only reflects your attitude towards life. Suggestion: Whether it is a savior or not, evaluate your own external and internal strength, marriage problems, not a person’s responsibility. This may be the test of marriage, whether the rescue is too serious. What you need is to re-examine yourself, re-examine your marriage.
4. The responsibility lies with him/her for your happiness, the responsibility is only you. Only by accepting yourself can you accept the love of others. The other party does not do well, in fact, because they do not cherish themselves. Advice: shirk responsibility is a sign of the weak. Since it is a husband and wife and a couple, the emotional problem is the matter of the two people, and no one can say who is responsible. Because a slap can’t come out. When a problem occurs, first find the problem yourself, then help the other party to find the problem, and finally solve it together.
5. I need stimulation When your marriage seems boring, you don’t need stimulation, but courage. You need the courage to examine the existing track, get out of your comfort zone, step out of your comfort zone like a backwater, and take risks according to the needs of your mind. In this way, your life will soon come to life without external stimulation. Whether in love or marriage, there will be a period of emotional fatigue. Love Hormones are at work from a biological point of view. Modern marriages generally do not have the seven-year itch. It’s normal for life to be dull, it’s a necessity for marriage, and it’s a test of life. It takes both parties to create excitement and make life interesting. So don’t be afraid to be plain and be someone who actively discovers married life.
6. True love has finally come. When you dream of true love, you are actually looking forward to a perfect partner to make up for your shortcomings. The perfect partner doesn’t exist, and dreams of true love will only clog you. Don’t stand there foolishly, expecting the arrival of true love, don’t expect the BMW prince. If that’s the case, it’s not a fairy tale. There is no fate, or doom, only oneself to find and win, whether it is love or a better life. So, instead of waiting there for true love, go out and see, maybe love will come quietly.
7. I need harmonious men to use this as an excuse to avoid in-depth discussions. To hide all dissatisfaction under the mantle of harmony, man will suppress himself. Only those who are good at venting negative emotions can enjoy comfort and vitality. Proposal: Conflict is inevitable and necessary in relationships and marriages. Only conflict can reveal hidden problems. Conflict means growth. So, don’t be afraid of conflict. Conflict is a mirror. Harmony will only lead to the accumulation of problems, which will eventually cause an explosion. If there is a conflict, sit down and talk and resolve it.
8. Telling the truth and hurting people is the only way to treat wounds. Telling the truth is a turning point in getting out of the dark routine and building a happy relationship. Keeping a secret might sound romantic, but it doesn’t apply in reality. Open the skylight and speak up. There are old sayings that are hard to listen to. Telling the truth is very hurtful, but telling the truth often hits your vitals directly. If you want to make breakthroughs and grow, you must listen to the truth. When your partner tells the truth, it actually shows that they know you well, that they truly love you and know you well. So, when I heard my partner tell the truth, I hugged him/her and hit him/her several times, relieved first, and then said to him/her with a smile, I know.
9. I want to follow him/her. You do it because you are afraid of confrontation. Most marriages don’t die because of a fierce battle between two people, but because they are exhausted and rigid because of concessions. Saying no at the right time is important to marriage. Proposal: In life, some people have no opinion and always follow the meaning of others. In a marriage and family, it is not a good thing to go along with the other party, and it will only leave the impression that the other party has no opinion. The above said that conflict is essential, your views may be different from the other party, but this difference can wipe out the fire of love. Therefore, if you don’t have such an idea, speak your opinion bravely, not afraid of conflict, not afraid of confrontation, only afraid of silence!