In the realm of modern relationships, the concept of soulmates continues to capture the imagination of many, despite concerns expressed by relationship experts. A recent YouGov poll of nearly 15,000 U.S. adults in 2021 unveiled that 60% of respondents believe in the idea of soulmates. While this number suggests a potential decline in soulmate thinking compared to past surveys, it underscores the enduring influence of the quest to find “the One” in the landscape of dating and marriage.
Understanding the Divergence
Despite reservations about the potential drawbacks of soulmate thinking, it is essential to recognize the innate human desire for a special and enduring connection in marriage. The evidence is clear: humans possess a unique capacity for deep attachment in long-term relationships, wherein one person becomes more special than anyone else. The crux of the matter lies in how one goes about achieving this connection.
Soulmate beliefs present a paradoxical narrative that can complicate healthy relationship development. Contrary to the natural progression of forming deep bonds over time, soulmate thinking implies that someone is your “one-and-only” before you even meet them. This model diverts attention from the fundamental truth that oneness is made, not found. The foundation of an “Only-One Marriage” is built over time as two individuals commit to each other, prioritize their relationship, and remain faithful.
The Evolution of Connection
The uniqueness of spousal connection evolves through adaptation, mutual care, and the development of a shared history. It is not about finding the perfect match in the world but about making someone the only one in your heart and sustaining that commitment through life’s challenges. Distinguishing between the pursuit of a soulmate marriage and the creation of an only-one marriage becomes pivotal in determining the course of one’s journey in love.
The Endurance of the Soulmate Myth
Dr. Brad Wilcox, Director of the National Marriage Project, previously predicted the demise of the soulmate model due to a renewed focus on pragmatic partnership amid global challenges. However, recent observations suggest that the soulmate myth might endure as an emotional survival strategy, especially for young people navigating a shifting dating culture marked by increased loneliness and declining marriage rates. Professor Bradley Onishi notes that belief in a soulmate provides a coherent and hopeful narrative, offering an anchor in the unpredictable landscape of modern dating.
Addressing Modern Realities
While soulmate thinking may temporarily ease the disappointments of modern dating, it is crucial to educate the rising generation about the true foundations of enduring marriage. Real-life marriages succeed by shifting focus from emotional gratification to creating meaningfulness and belonging through shared values, equal partnership, devotion, healthy communication, and personal virtues.
The Risks of Soulmate Thinking
Despite its superficial appeal, soulmate thinking poses tangible risks to individuals and couples. One of the foremost concerns is the development of unrealistic expectations, fostering what Professor Raymond Knee terms “destiny beliefs.” These beliefs, centered on the idea that relationships are predestined, contribute to a consumer culture of marriage, wherein individuals constantly evaluate their partners against an ideal. In contrast, adopting “growth beliefs” promotes a collaborative approach to relationships, emphasizing development over time, shared problem-solving, and overcoming challenges.
In conclusion, the choice between soulmate marriage and the only-one approach carries significant implications for individuals seeking enduring love. Understanding the nuances and potential risks associated with each narrative is essential in navigating the complexities of modern relationships.
