When it comes to dating, attracting a partner is just the first step. The real challenge begins when you need to decide whether to keep them. This process, often referred to as “screening” or “qualifying” a date, is similar to an interview.
Most people have an idea of what they want in a partner, sometimes even creating a list of traits, abilities, and characteristics. This list may include things like physical appearance, intelligence, and personality traits. However, while these qualities might feel important at the moment, they don’t always determine the long-term success of a relationship.
In fact, your “list” might be overlooking some critical qualities. New research has revealed that the most significant factors for a lasting relationship may not be what we typically focus on. Let’s explore some key findings.
Research on Relationship Qualities
A 2011 issue of Journal of Personality and Social Psychology presents four studies that emphasize the importance of self-control and conscientiousness in relationships:
-
Self-Control and Fidelity: Research showed that individuals with better self-control are more likely to stay faithful in their relationships. These people can resist temptations, such as flirting from others, which is essential for a secure partnership.
-
Trust and Self-Control: Partners of people with high self-control tend to trust them more. Self-control helps build a more stable and trusting relationship.
-
Conscientiousness and Problem Solving: Conscientiousness, which is similar to self-control, plays a vital role in resolving relationship issues. Studies found that conscientious partners are more motivated to fix problems and work through conflicts, contributing to higher relationship satisfaction. This was particularly significant for male partners.
-
Promises and Follow-Through: Both self-control and conscientiousness are also crucial for keeping promises in relationships. Research indicated that individuals with these traits are more likely to follow through on their commitments, regardless of their emotional attachment. This suggests that people don’t keep promises just because they love someone; it’s because they have the self-discipline to do so.
What This Means for You
These studies show that love alone isn’t enough to ensure a successful relationship. Even if someone deeply cares for you, a lack of self-control can lead to mistakes, like infidelity or broken promises. It turns out that qualities such as self-control and conscientiousness are far more important than we often realize.
When evaluating a potential partner, focus on their ability to maintain self-control and their level of conscientiousness, rather than just their feelings of love or their physical traits.
Key Traits to Watch for
To assess self-control and conscientiousness, look for these indicators:
-
Attention Span: People with good self-control are able to focus their attention. If your date is easily distracted, it might suggest a lack of self-control, which can affect communication and relationship dynamics.
-
Delayed Gratification: Self-control allows people to wait for rewards. If your date struggles with waiting for things or shows impatience, it might indicate they lack this essential trait.
-
Planning: Conscientious people make and stick to plans. If your date is constantly unpredictable and unable to plan, it could become frustrating over time.
-
Achievement: Individuals with self-control and conscientiousness tend to accomplish their goals. If your date frequently starts projects but never finishes them, this may be a sign of low self-control.
Conclusion
When deciding whether to keep a partner, focusing on love, appearance, or intelligence is not enough. For a lasting relationship, your partner needs to demonstrate qualities like self-control and conscientiousness. These traits are crucial for maintaining a healthy, stable relationship, and by prioritizing them, you’ll find a partner who is truly committed.
Related topics:
