For eight years, a man has been in a relationship with a woman who is a single mother. Her ex-husband, once a drug addict, now lives in an ashram. When they began their relationship, the woman’s son was 13 and had a disrespectful attitude toward her. Over time, the son has remained the central point of conflict in their relationship.
The boy is described as intelligent, well-read, humorous, and a strong debater. However, he lacks respect for authority, is irresponsible, and has never held a job. Despite these qualities, he has rarely had friends and often appears isolated. He attended university for two and a half years but was asked to leave due to poor grades. Now, he’s attending community college to improve his academic performance.
Throughout their relationship, the couple has seen three different counselors, one of whom suggested that the mother set boundaries with her son. However, she did not follow this advice. Furthermore, she refuses to live with the man or marry him because she fears that setting rules for the boy would lead to rebellion.
The man is particularly frustrated by the boy’s laziness. Although the son owns a car, he refuses to drive himself and instead relies on his mother for transportation. He also avoids working, further fueling tension between the couple. The man is seeking help or intervention programs that might assist the boy in overcoming these challenges.
An article points out that there are certain expectations and boundaries that should not be overlooked in a household, particularly as the son approaches adulthood. The question is raised: why does the mother continue to shelter him from the consequences of his actions, particularly when there is no longer any instability in the home? It is suggested that the boy’s behavior is more functional outside the home than inside it, and it’s important to consider why this might be the case.
The article emphasizes that the mother’s focus on making allowances for her son’s difficulties rather than highlighting his strengths may be contributing to his current state. Despite his potential, the son is living up to the low expectations set by his mother. The piece argues that the mother’s actions are unintentionally enabling the boy’s dysfunction, keeping both her son and herself trapped in a cycle of dependency.
In the end, the article concludes that the root of the problem lies not with the son but with the mother’s inability to let go of past patterns. It suggests that the real intervention needed is for the mother to break free from these patterns and allow her son to grow. For the man in the relationship, the article proposes that urging his girlfriend to seek professional help might be a necessary step toward healing for both her and her son, and for the future of their relationship.
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