Loneliness is a common human experience. Often, it’s triggered by life changes—moving to a new city, going through a breakup, or becoming an empty-nester or new parent. This kind of situational loneliness, sometimes called “ordinary loneliness,” can be painful and even lead to depression. It may require professional support to navigate, but it’s usually a reaction to a specific event or life stage.
Michael, a retired editor and longtime friend, experienced this kind of loneliness. After a career filled with social events and professional validation, retirement left him isolated. He missed the daily connections he’d once taken for granted. Gradually, Michael adapted. He began cooking and hosting dinners, joined a freelance group, and reconnected with friends. Eventually, he wrote a book that brought new attention. His story is an example of how ordinary loneliness, though difficult, can be addressed and overcome through effort and change.
But there’s another kind of loneliness—one not tied to life’s events but rooted deep within. It can exist even when life appears full of love, success, and companionship.
The writer of this story, despite having a happy marriage, a loving child, a fulfilling job, and a peaceful home, still found herself consumed by loneliness. This wasn’t the result of being alone, but a persistent emotional state that reawakened painful memories from childhood. A missed phone call or a canceled plan could send her into a spiral of despair, echoing the deep emptiness she felt as a child in a quiet apartment, ignored and forgotten.
A friend once called it “galactic aloneness”—a vast, all-encompassing feeling of being cut off from the world. Though they had known each other for 30 years, the two friends never discussed this shared experience until much later in life. It was a difficult truth to admit, even to themselves.
Determined to change, the writer turned to psychoanalysis. At first, she struggled to talk about this deeper loneliness. Instead, sessions focused on everyday relationship concerns. One day, her analyst remarked, “For you, there never seems to be enough friends or enough closeness.” This observation shifted the entire conversation. Her therapist helped her see that her pain wasn’t just about others being unavailable—it was about something inside herself.
They began to explore the source of this deeper loneliness: the early loss of her father to cancer, her mother’s depression, and years of emotional neglect. As a baby, she was left with strangers, without the comfort of consistent care. These experiences set the foundation for the lifelong emptiness she felt, long before she could understand or express it.
Through psychoanalysis, she finally allowed herself to confront those buried feelings. No longer running from the pain with busyness or perfectionism, she slowly began to heal. The deep-seated loneliness that once haunted her started to fade. In the end, she emerged with a new sense of peace and a freedom she had never known.
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